can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
