doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
