so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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