So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Randomize
