I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
