i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
