when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
