I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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