he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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