Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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