I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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