so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
