do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
