i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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