she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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