i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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