turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
