She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
