thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
