Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
