I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
