Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
