it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
