We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
