Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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