I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
