I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
