i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
