he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
