Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
