i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Randomize
