talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
