I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You did what with his pubic hair?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
