recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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