I think im going to throw up on grandma
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
