Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
