My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize