I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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