Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
