he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
that's an acceptable place to lick
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
