I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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