dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
