I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
