I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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