I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
