I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
