Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
