You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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