i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
