Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
