Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
