Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
