remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize