I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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