who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
