she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
