This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
