she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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