I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
