I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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