Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
