Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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