we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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Also, beer. Big fan.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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