She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
