BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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