FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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