i would punch a child for taco bell
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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