You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
