I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
