worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
