Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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