nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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